Tomorrow my little sister is getting married. It's true. Apparently she isn't 13 anymore, but I'm not exactly sure how or when that happened.
I was feeling a bit sappy tonight in the quite of my sleeping house. Naturally, reminiscing was immediately necessary! Recently I found the audio from our wedding, which I was convinced was lost forever. I was so upset about it being lost because I wanted desperately to have the words that we spoke to each other documented (I was always going to get them on the wall in a pretty way- never too late). There are LOTS of things I would change about our wedding in retrospect. Most all of those things are superficial. *PINTEREST DIDN'T EXIST YET PEOPLE!!* We didn't know people hadn't used heart-shaped candle holders for 10 years or so...
Annnnnnyway, one thing that I wouldn't change is the words we spoke to each other. I clearly remember spending LOTS of time searching and tweaking those vows to be different and personalized and representative of us. Words...man, I love words...
But I couldn't remember them now. What did we exactly promise each other 7 years ago? Like, I know the big picture, but what did we actually say again? I am confident that we meant every word spoken and every promise made with our whole being. My heart overflows as I sit here and think about who I was when I made those vows and where life and love has led us. You know...we don't know what a day holds, but that is the beauty of marriage...it doesn't matter. Love perseveres.
The pastor who married us has passed away. The friends who were such a
huge part of our lives are memories. That dress will probably never zip
up again. Need I continue?
Life is radically different. We are completely different people. Our relationship is completely different. Jason is definitely not the same guy that I married. And that's okay. Actually, it's better than okay! I am not who I was when we got married. And that's okay. It's okay because he chose to love me and fulfill our vows every single day from who I was then to who I was now.
Maybe we're still "fresh" in this thing. Maybe life is going to get really hard. Maybe we're clueless. Maybe! Choosing love sounds simple, but I know it can be tough. But it also eliminates the maybes.
So, that's what I wrote to my sweet, young sister. Choose love. Every day.
Friday, August 19, 2016
Friday, August 5, 2016
A few weeks ago, my sweet husband asked why I haven't blogged in so long. Today, my Facebook Memories reminded me that my last post was a year ago today. Okay, okay - I get it! I'm THAT person...the one who starts something and doesn't stick with it.
I read the last post about three times. My how a year has changed life; I didn't know whether to laugh or cry as I was taken back to how it was.
Desperation. That's the only word I can think of.
Maybe the truth is that I stopped writing because I simply couldn't. When you feel like you're drowning in your own life, things have just gotta go. We were surviving. Plain and simple. And do you know what?
WE DID IT!
The first year of Trevor's life was full of blessings, but it was TOUGH. That's just the truth. However, just like other trials in life, those difficult days of just surviving have given me such perspective and appreciation for the good days we have now. I don't take for granted that we got to make cookies just because. Or that I'm actually working on our photo book...for this year! Or that I take a whole hour to myself every single day. Or a million other little things.
Now, we celebrate instead of survive! My days are full of joy and laughter and goodness all around. Sure, there's still tough stuff - there's always going to be. Life is full of seasons.
Parenthood is not easy y'all. Take it easy on yourself. Find one good thing in each day until your circumstances change. That's my motivational speech for today.
I read the last post about three times. My how a year has changed life; I didn't know whether to laugh or cry as I was taken back to how it was.
Desperation. That's the only word I can think of.
Maybe the truth is that I stopped writing because I simply couldn't. When you feel like you're drowning in your own life, things have just gotta go. We were surviving. Plain and simple. And do you know what?
WE DID IT!
The first year of Trevor's life was full of blessings, but it was TOUGH. That's just the truth. However, just like other trials in life, those difficult days of just surviving have given me such perspective and appreciation for the good days we have now. I don't take for granted that we got to make cookies just because. Or that I'm actually working on our photo book...for this year! Or that I take a whole hour to myself every single day. Or a million other little things.
Now, we celebrate instead of survive! My days are full of joy and laughter and goodness all around. Sure, there's still tough stuff - there's always going to be. Life is full of seasons.
Parenthood is not easy y'all. Take it easy on yourself. Find one good thing in each day until your circumstances change. That's my motivational speech for today.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Today Was The Day
Today was that day...I knew it was coming.
Today was the day that my 4 year old came to me asking, "Are you ever going to stop crying?"
Today I did not answer the phone.
Today I let my baby lay in his bed and cry for awhile because I just could not take it anymore.
Today I made my 2 year old stay in his poopy diaper because the crying baby above was allllllllmost asleep.
Today Satan whispered in my ear and got a hold of my heart, convincing me that I can not do this. I can not take care of three kids alone. I can not play with everyone and give them the time and attention they deserve. I can not get this baby to stop crying, and it's probably my fault anyway because I ate the wrong thing. I can not have dinner ready and the house picked up and a smile on my face to cover the desperation in my heart by the time my husband gets home. I can't do this. And I certainly can't do it on 3 hours of sleep. What were we possibly thinking?
Now that I put it into words, of course I know it's not true. It's emotional and irrational and just not true.
I'll be honest, I never used to understand these moms who would express how difficult this is- the whole "in the trenches" mentality. I just didn't get it. Now that I'm a stay at home (and waaaay outnumbered), I get it. I understand what it feels like to not feel any glimmer of hope that it's going to get better. Because there's no break. You don't get to go to bed and sleep all night and have tomorrow be a new day. You don't get to go to work and recharge with some alone time. One day runs into another because the day never ends.
So for now I will go hide in the shower, have a good healthy cry, and get ready to face whatever comes my way next. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!
Today was the day that my 4 year old came to me asking, "Are you ever going to stop crying?"
Today I did not answer the phone.
Today I let my baby lay in his bed and cry for awhile because I just could not take it anymore.
Today I made my 2 year old stay in his poopy diaper because the crying baby above was allllllllmost asleep.
Today Satan whispered in my ear and got a hold of my heart, convincing me that I can not do this. I can not take care of three kids alone. I can not play with everyone and give them the time and attention they deserve. I can not get this baby to stop crying, and it's probably my fault anyway because I ate the wrong thing. I can not have dinner ready and the house picked up and a smile on my face to cover the desperation in my heart by the time my husband gets home. I can't do this. And I certainly can't do it on 3 hours of sleep. What were we possibly thinking?
Now that I put it into words, of course I know it's not true. It's emotional and irrational and just not true.
I'll be honest, I never used to understand these moms who would express how difficult this is- the whole "in the trenches" mentality. I just didn't get it. Now that I'm a stay at home (and waaaay outnumbered), I get it. I understand what it feels like to not feel any glimmer of hope that it's going to get better. Because there's no break. You don't get to go to bed and sleep all night and have tomorrow be a new day. You don't get to go to work and recharge with some alone time. One day runs into another because the day never ends.
So for now I will go hide in the shower, have a good healthy cry, and get ready to face whatever comes my way next. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Legacy
"Children are living messages that we send to a time that we will not see." -Neil Postman
I saw this quote in a marriage conference workbook years ago and circled it. It just really resonated with me! The idea of our legacy is something that I think about a lot. I truly believe that our legacy is something that is built- one day at a time. I try to explain to people that I so love my kids, but kids are really not my favorite. I don't go crazy over babies. I want a family for today, but especially for the future.
Last week my family got together to celebrate my grandparents. They are celebrating their 75th birthdays and 55th anniversary this summer.:
From 4 children came this:
And we were missing 4 grandkids! I am so in love with this! It brought tears to hear my grandparents' grown children tearfully express their love for them and the heritage they've given. I looked down at my own babies and got lost in thoughts about what the future holds for us. Will I get the opportunity to sit with my husband and soak in the love of 3 generations?
Some days are hard- I know that we're really in the trenches right now. Three kids 4 and under is crazy. People also love to tell us that all the time. I know it's crazy, but I also know that it is and will be crazy good. My babies' babies will be on my lap before I know it!
I saw this quote in a marriage conference workbook years ago and circled it. It just really resonated with me! The idea of our legacy is something that I think about a lot. I truly believe that our legacy is something that is built- one day at a time. I try to explain to people that I so love my kids, but kids are really not my favorite. I don't go crazy over babies. I want a family for today, but especially for the future.
Last week my family got together to celebrate my grandparents. They are celebrating their 75th birthdays and 55th anniversary this summer.:
From 4 children came this:
Some days are hard- I know that we're really in the trenches right now. Three kids 4 and under is crazy. People also love to tell us that all the time. I know it's crazy, but I also know that it is and will be crazy good. My babies' babies will be on my lap before I know it!
Father's Day Thoughts
Oh Father's Day. I used to really dislike the day and the reminders it gave me. Like Valentine's Day to an unhappy single. I don't have an earthly father that I want to celebrate. No one to change my Facebook profile picture to feature. I've been okay with that for a really long time, but that doesn't mean that I don't still wonder.
I think that because of the way I grew up, I didn't really understand the role of a father. The potential. The responsibility. The love. I saw it secondhand through other men in my life, but there's something different about seeing it modeled and experiencing it in your home.
These days I have someone to celebrate! Every day could be Father's Day at our house. Seriously. One of my goals with our children is to help them understand what a great daddy they have (although I'm quite sure they'll just know it). I am amazed as I watch my husband love those kids...I've just never seen anything like it!
It's the end of a great day and as I reflect on what was supposed to be "his day", I can't help but smile. On Father's Day he:
Of course, these are just a few things, with so many more little things tucked in the cracks of our day. And that's one day. He truly serves us in a selfless way. Every day. And so we will continue to be thankful for you today and every day because you are a gift to us!
I think that because of the way I grew up, I didn't really understand the role of a father. The potential. The responsibility. The love. I saw it secondhand through other men in my life, but there's something different about seeing it modeled and experiencing it in your home.
These days I have someone to celebrate! Every day could be Father's Day at our house. Seriously. One of my goals with our children is to help them understand what a great daddy they have (although I'm quite sure they'll just know it). I am amazed as I watch my husband love those kids...I've just never seen anything like it!
It's the end of a great day and as I reflect on what was supposed to be "his day", I can't help but smile. On Father's Day he:
- held the fussy baby during church, eventually leaving and missing most of the Father's Day message
- cooked our special steak dinner after church while I nursed that same fussy baby
- sacrificed a nap to have alone time at the playground with a 4 year old who thinks daddy is superman and was there to scoop her up and make her feel better when she fell off the equipment there
- shared almost all of his ice cream with the kids who naturally thought dad's was way better than what they had (it was)
- could be recovering from a whirlwind weekend in his recliner right now, but is outside cleaning up our mess from the fun
Of course, these are just a few things, with so many more little things tucked in the cracks of our day. And that's one day. He truly serves us in a selfless way. Every day. And so we will continue to be thankful for you today and every day because you are a gift to us!
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Jehovah Jireh - Our Provider
Making the decision for me to come home was HUGE for us! Of course, we both knew it was the right thing, but then all of those fears and worries start creeping in. I am not a worrier and faith comes pretty easily. I know that if we are doing the right thing and seeking God's will, then it will just work out. J not so much... he's a thinker, a planner.
The truth is, we both had gotten really comfortable in our lifestyle. Not that we lived extravagantly in the least, but we never lost sleep over money- we had what we needed and typically extra. This is where I usually lose people and start getting weird looks: I was tired of it! I didn't want the comfortable path anymore. My heart became so convicted that we as a couple had some things to learn together, that we needed to take a huge leap of faith and let God lead our family and surrender to Him...even our finances. I knew we could and would grow spiritually in some incredible ways if we would just jump.
We jumped. Together. Hand in hand.
And now we celebrate His faithfulness. Of course...His faithfulness.
The very week I came home, J was informed that he would be working all Winter. A very, very big deal in seasonal work that causes some anxiety every year.
A few months later we were informed that there was an insurance goof with the sickest member of our family and everything we had paid in for the entire year would be returned to us (which included a hospital stay).
Our home encountered some serious water damage this Winter and we thought it was going to be a bad, expensive situation. The insurance claim worked out amazingly and even allowed for some extra work to be done that really, REALLY needed it.
Last week, J was moved to a new position that provides a raise, a vehicle, a phone, and year-round security.
Not by our hand, but by His. Nothing we could have planned, just incredible blessings along the way. I love asking people about how they've seen God work when they step out in faith- amazing stories! I challenge you with this: what is He asking you to surrender? Where can your faith be grown?
The truth is, we both had gotten really comfortable in our lifestyle. Not that we lived extravagantly in the least, but we never lost sleep over money- we had what we needed and typically extra. This is where I usually lose people and start getting weird looks: I was tired of it! I didn't want the comfortable path anymore. My heart became so convicted that we as a couple had some things to learn together, that we needed to take a huge leap of faith and let God lead our family and surrender to Him...even our finances. I knew we could and would grow spiritually in some incredible ways if we would just jump.
We jumped. Together. Hand in hand.
And now we celebrate His faithfulness. Of course...His faithfulness.
The very week I came home, J was informed that he would be working all Winter. A very, very big deal in seasonal work that causes some anxiety every year.
A few months later we were informed that there was an insurance goof with the sickest member of our family and everything we had paid in for the entire year would be returned to us (which included a hospital stay).
Our home encountered some serious water damage this Winter and we thought it was going to be a bad, expensive situation. The insurance claim worked out amazingly and even allowed for some extra work to be done that really, REALLY needed it.
Last week, J was moved to a new position that provides a raise, a vehicle, a phone, and year-round security.
Not by our hand, but by His. Nothing we could have planned, just incredible blessings along the way. I love asking people about how they've seen God work when they step out in faith- amazing stories! I challenge you with this: what is He asking you to surrender? Where can your faith be grown?
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Daughter of the King
However, I've really come to terms with her love for all things princess-like. It even has given me some great opportunities to teach her about God being our King and how we are his children. In January our church held our annual Cabin Fever Luncheon, where ladies put together a themed, decorated table. Claire and I attacked this together, of course with a princess theme!
Sniff.
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