I've had a couple of people make comments about my lack of blogging lately. Truth is, I just haven't felt like it. And because it's my blog, I felt like that was a good enough reason. My head and my heart have been more than overflowing for quite a while now, and so when I sit down to write, those things are all I can think about.
Some time ago, I really evaluated my life and my heart and asked myself who I wanted to be...and more importantly, who I was called to be. I was so convicted that I needed to be honest (always!) and genuine, but so loving that people would understand my heart. My life changed that day. And then it has been followed by MANY difficult times of being honest and speaking the truth in love. This is what I learned really quick:
Even though you mean it with love. And pray over your words. Doesn't mean it wont hurt
someone's feelings.
So, that's where it gets messy. The truth hurts. It has hurt me and it has probably hurt you. What do we do about it? Are we responsible for hurt feelings? Having your heart convicted hurts. I just simply can't tell you that you're doing great and everything's going to be great and let's just put on a smile if that isn't the truth. I'm positive that I have a responsibility and conviction to say something else. To speak biblical truth, even when it's hard and even when it hurts.
It's so hard to help people understand that you love them enough to be honest. Trust me, I'd much rather just smile and say it's all okay.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Perfection
No, I did not schedule this post to go in the middle of the night - I'm really blogging at 1:30am. I feel a bit weird even writing that because let me tell you...I LOVE TO SLEEP! Nothing gets in my way when it comes to my perfect pile of pregnancy pillows. Unless I dont feel well or I cant turn my brain off.
This Christmas night it's both: full brain, full belly (too many meatballs!)
Since I couldn't sleep, I was reflecting on what a beautiful Christmas season it's been and what a great day today was. My heart went so far as to say "Perfect." Then that little voice reminded me that no, it was definitely not perfect. For starters, I ate too much.
Then the beast inside of me sprang to life and my brain got thinking about babies. Ohhhhh those sweet, perfect little newborns that just sleep all day. Siiiiiiiigh - it was only two years ago at Christmas that I had one and in another four months we get to meet this next perfect little creation. I did it again (we humans are slow learners). Perfect. That gentle knock on my heart reminded me again that I was so wrong. Those little lives are born into sin- not just a world that's sinful, but they themselves are sinners. Nowhere near truly perfect.
"Jesus, thank you for your perfection. For entering this dark and fallen world to be my Redeemer. For giving me the only gift that matters in the end. For loving my ugly, selfish heart in a way that I simply don't understand. Thank you for being truly my ONLY example of perfection this side of Heaven."
Merry Christmas readers! My wish for you is that you are celebrating The King today. It's so easy to make it about family, gifts, food, and whatever else comes along for us (not that they aren't good things), but the things of this world eventually disappoint. Perfection does not disappoint.
This Christmas night it's both: full brain, full belly (too many meatballs!)
Since I couldn't sleep, I was reflecting on what a beautiful Christmas season it's been and what a great day today was. My heart went so far as to say "Perfect." Then that little voice reminded me that no, it was definitely not perfect. For starters, I ate too much.
Then the beast inside of me sprang to life and my brain got thinking about babies. Ohhhhh those sweet, perfect little newborns that just sleep all day. Siiiiiiiigh - it was only two years ago at Christmas that I had one and in another four months we get to meet this next perfect little creation. I did it again (we humans are slow learners). Perfect. That gentle knock on my heart reminded me again that I was so wrong. Those little lives are born into sin- not just a world that's sinful, but they themselves are sinners. Nowhere near truly perfect.
"Jesus, thank you for your perfection. For entering this dark and fallen world to be my Redeemer. For giving me the only gift that matters in the end. For loving my ugly, selfish heart in a way that I simply don't understand. Thank you for being truly my ONLY example of perfection this side of Heaven."
Merry Christmas readers! My wish for you is that you are celebrating The King today. It's so easy to make it about family, gifts, food, and whatever else comes along for us (not that they aren't good things), but the things of this world eventually disappoint. Perfection does not disappoint.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Just Like Mom's
Around my house, if something you make is deemed "just like Mom's", it's quite the compliment. Maybe at your house it's more of an insult? Kidding of course!
I've been on a quest to duplicate my mom's perfect cookies for years. Not once has that quest been successful, so I've taken a bit of a break...maybe forever. The thing with my mom, though, is that she doesn't keep recipes (this shouldn't really surprise you if you know her.) I've tried many times to encourage this to happen...I've taken a break from that, too.
It seems minor, but I'll never forget when my little sister was over for dinner one night and tried my chicken noodle soup. "Hey- this is just like Mom's!" SUCCESS! There are lots of ways to make chicken noodle soup, but I've never tasted one I liked better than Mom's. Now it was mine, too.
Last week we had 16 people over to our house for dinner. A big pot of chili and a big pot of chicken noodle was on the menu for the evening. When people compliment the soup, I don't have to confess that it's my mom's recipe because technically it isn't. I thought about sharing it with you all, but that'd just be too easy. I do intend to share some other family favorites with you though.
Someday I hope that my kids will experience the joy and success of completing a recipe and recognizing it as being "just like Mom's"... and have that be a good thing, hopefully!
I've been on a quest to duplicate my mom's perfect cookies for years. Not once has that quest been successful, so I've taken a bit of a break...maybe forever. The thing with my mom, though, is that she doesn't keep recipes (this shouldn't really surprise you if you know her.) I've tried many times to encourage this to happen...I've taken a break from that, too.
It seems minor, but I'll never forget when my little sister was over for dinner one night and tried my chicken noodle soup. "Hey- this is just like Mom's!" SUCCESS! There are lots of ways to make chicken noodle soup, but I've never tasted one I liked better than Mom's. Now it was mine, too.
Last week we had 16 people over to our house for dinner. A big pot of chili and a big pot of chicken noodle was on the menu for the evening. When people compliment the soup, I don't have to confess that it's my mom's recipe because technically it isn't. I thought about sharing it with you all, but that'd just be too easy. I do intend to share some other family favorites with you though.
Someday I hope that my kids will experience the joy and success of completing a recipe and recognizing it as being "just like Mom's"... and have that be a good thing, hopefully!
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Lost Days
How would your life look different if there were do-overs? I think it's easy to say we wouldn't do anything differently if given the chance, but is that really true? Maybe in the big picture it's true, but I've been struggling with these thoughts a lot lately. The truth for me is that I would do quite a few things drastically different.
On my third week home with the kids (or maybe the fourth? Shoot - I don't even know what day it is today to be honest!) I came to a startling realization: I had missed the very best part of my kids for four years. Not that the best part of them was gone, but that in our busyness of life, we got the leftovers. We only saw them at the worst, orneriest, most tired moments... and let me tell you- that's not pretty!
It happened one day while Cam was playing with his trains and out of nowhere, stopped what he was doing just to run over and give me the biggest hug and kiss. And then go right back to trains. That was immediately followed by Claire making some sweet comment expressing that she loved me too and was glad we could play today. And those two things were immediately followed by the Niagara of all crying sessions.
Our kids aren't total monsters! They're actually awesome little humans! How much of this goodness had I missed while lecturing about how we were late, and there wasn't time for playing, and mom has a meeting tonight, and we have to get dinner ready so we can get to bed and do it all again. And again. And again. Man, I missed so many hugs, so many chances to kiss ouchies, so many opportunities to ask questions just to get funny answers.
Now I get to treasure it. I keep a mental list all day of things that J would like to know, things that would make him laugh if he were next to me. Because, I'll be honest, sometimes by 5:30 they've converted back to something very monster-like some days and I'm not sure he'll believe me.
On my third week home with the kids (or maybe the fourth? Shoot - I don't even know what day it is today to be honest!) I came to a startling realization: I had missed the very best part of my kids for four years. Not that the best part of them was gone, but that in our busyness of life, we got the leftovers. We only saw them at the worst, orneriest, most tired moments... and let me tell you- that's not pretty!
It happened one day while Cam was playing with his trains and out of nowhere, stopped what he was doing just to run over and give me the biggest hug and kiss. And then go right back to trains. That was immediately followed by Claire making some sweet comment expressing that she loved me too and was glad we could play today. And those two things were immediately followed by the Niagara of all crying sessions.
Our kids aren't total monsters! They're actually awesome little humans! How much of this goodness had I missed while lecturing about how we were late, and there wasn't time for playing, and mom has a meeting tonight, and we have to get dinner ready so we can get to bed and do it all again. And again. And again. Man, I missed so many hugs, so many chances to kiss ouchies, so many opportunities to ask questions just to get funny answers.
Now I get to treasure it. I keep a mental list all day of things that J would like to know, things that would make him laugh if he were next to me. Because, I'll be honest, sometimes by 5:30 they've converted back to something very monster-like some days and I'm not sure he'll believe me.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Unplanned Gifts...
I'm not a perfectionist, but I am most definitely a planner! I try not to let that make me rigid and unflexible, but to not be prepared just makes my heart want to explode with anxiety. So you better believe that I had a plan for this stay at home thing we were going to try.
And then sometimes God steps in to remind us of that whole "His ways are not our ways" business and puts us in our place. Well, He did it again...
VERY shortly after submitting my resignation, our family was blessed with the gift of life! While I was knitting together another plan, He was knitting together a life inside of me. We chose a long time ago to trust God's timing with our children, so it wasn't a complete suprise...but it wasn't exactly MY plan. Once I got over my self-centered plan, though, BOY WAS I EXCITED (everyone else was right away)!
So, in a blessing that I can hardly put words to, on my very first day home with our children we got to all go meet our third incredible gift together! We're excited to have you meet this incredible treasure in April!
And then sometimes God steps in to remind us of that whole "His ways are not our ways" business and puts us in our place. Well, He did it again...
VERY shortly after submitting my resignation, our family was blessed with the gift of life! While I was knitting together another plan, He was knitting together a life inside of me. We chose a long time ago to trust God's timing with our children, so it wasn't a complete suprise...but it wasn't exactly MY plan. Once I got over my self-centered plan, though, BOY WAS I EXCITED (everyone else was right away)!
So, in a blessing that I can hardly put words to, on my very first day home with our children we got to all go meet our third incredible gift together! We're excited to have you meet this incredible treasure in April!
Finding Balance
For some silly reason, I thought that me being a SAHM would allow more time for this blogging thing... obviously I was wrong! :)
What an incredible blessing the last few weeks have been! Every night I go to (read: collapse into) bed with a full heart, reflecting on the many hugs and smiles and tears of the day. It truly is the greatest gift to be with these little beasts every day. I've been praying that I will not lose that thankful heart or take this time for granted.
My favorite question has been, "What do you do with all of your time now!?" This is either asked very seriously or followed by a smirk/wink (by those who have been there).
I've been battling guilt as I go through each day. I came home with a list of things that I wanted to accomplish and certain things that I wanted done each day before J walked through the door. My #1 priority each day is to invest in my babies. If that means we have a popcorn date on the floor instead of yet another date with the dishwasher, so be it. If that means we spend time at the playground instead of time organizing the closet, so be it.
Life is so much about balance, and we're working on finding that new balance here too.
What an incredible blessing the last few weeks have been! Every night I go to (read: collapse into) bed with a full heart, reflecting on the many hugs and smiles and tears of the day. It truly is the greatest gift to be with these little beasts every day. I've been praying that I will not lose that thankful heart or take this time for granted.
My favorite question has been, "What do you do with all of your time now!?" This is either asked very seriously or followed by a smirk/wink (by those who have been there).
I've been battling guilt as I go through each day. I came home with a list of things that I wanted to accomplish and certain things that I wanted done each day before J walked through the door. My #1 priority each day is to invest in my babies. If that means we have a popcorn date on the floor instead of yet another date with the dishwasher, so be it. If that means we spend time at the playground instead of time organizing the closet, so be it.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Last Hoorah!
Growing up, I remember Labor Day being really special. We would always be at our cabin in the U.P., soaking up every last minute of Summer before school started. Life was going to change soon and so we were going to make the most of it!
That cabin is now my grandparents' home and I still love to be there and re-experience it all with my own family now. I desperately want that place to be a special part of their life and memories too. When our plans to be there this Labor Day fell apart, I was selfishly upset. Now what were we going to do all weekend?
I still felt that weird pressure to make the weekend special- not because school was starting, but our life is indeed drastically changing soon. We are fully prepared to not be able to do special things on a whim soon, so we wanted to have one last hoorah together...which we also desperately needed!
So, we decided that since all the city folk are headed to campgrounds and cabins, that we would trade places and be touristy instead. Grand Rapids it was then, complete with Chuck E. Cheese, waterpark fun, and a trip to the zoo!
In the hotel room that night, Bear was so excited she couldn't even think about sleep. She kept popping up from her pull-out couch bed and saying things like, "Mom, I love you...I'm just thinking about our fun!" When Cam finally fell asleep she leaned over and asked if she could come snuggle and talk about our day now that he was sleeping. As she recounted ever detail back to me, I was reminded that memories are made everywhere, all the time. They dont have to be what and how I plan, and they dont have to be the same as mine to be just as special.
That cabin is now my grandparents' home and I still love to be there and re-experience it all with my own family now. I desperately want that place to be a special part of their life and memories too. When our plans to be there this Labor Day fell apart, I was selfishly upset. Now what were we going to do all weekend?
I still felt that weird pressure to make the weekend special- not because school was starting, but our life is indeed drastically changing soon. We are fully prepared to not be able to do special things on a whim soon, so we wanted to have one last hoorah together...which we also desperately needed!
So, we decided that since all the city folk are headed to campgrounds and cabins, that we would trade places and be touristy instead. Grand Rapids it was then, complete with Chuck E. Cheese, waterpark fun, and a trip to the zoo!
Cam was terrified of this Jeep, but refused to get off of it.
Lots of fun at our favorite hotel.
Up close and personal at John Ball Zoo.
In the hotel room that night, Bear was so excited she couldn't even think about sleep. She kept popping up from her pull-out couch bed and saying things like, "Mom, I love you...I'm just thinking about our fun!" When Cam finally fell asleep she leaned over and asked if she could come snuggle and talk about our day now that he was sleeping. As she recounted ever detail back to me, I was reminded that memories are made everywhere, all the time. They dont have to be what and how I plan, and they dont have to be the same as mine to be just as special.
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