Today was that day...I knew it was coming.
Today was the day that my 4 year old came to me asking, "Are you ever going to stop crying?"
Today I did not answer the phone.
Today I let my baby lay in his bed and cry for awhile because I just could not take it anymore.
Today I made my 2 year old stay in his poopy diaper because the crying baby above was allllllllmost asleep.
Today Satan whispered in my ear and got a hold of my heart, convincing me that I can not do this. I can not take care of three kids alone. I can not play with everyone and give them the time and attention they deserve. I can not get this baby to stop crying, and it's probably my fault anyway because I ate the wrong thing. I can not have dinner ready and the house picked up and a smile on my face to cover the desperation in my heart by the time my husband gets home. I can't do this. And I certainly can't do it on 3 hours of sleep. What were we possibly thinking?
Now that I put it into words, of course I know it's not true. It's emotional and irrational and just not true.
I'll be honest, I never used to understand these moms who would express how difficult this is- the whole "in the trenches" mentality. I just didn't get it. Now that I'm a stay at home (and waaaay outnumbered), I get it. I understand what it feels like to not feel any glimmer of hope that it's going to get better. Because there's no break. You don't get to go to bed and sleep all night and have tomorrow be a new day. You don't get to go to work and recharge with some alone time. One day runs into another because the day never ends.
So for now I will go hide in the shower, have a good healthy cry, and get ready to face whatever comes my way next. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!
