I Do...Still

Tomorrow my little sister is getting married. It's true. Apparently she isn't 13 anymore, but I'm not exactly sure how or when that happened.

I was feeling a bit sappy tonight in the quite of my sleeping house. Naturally, reminiscing was immediately necessary! Recently I found the audio from our wedding, which I was convinced was lost forever. I was so upset about it being lost because I wanted desperately to have the words that we spoke to each other documented (I was always going to get them on the wall in a pretty way- never too late). There are LOTS of things I would change about our wedding in retrospect. Most all of those things are superficial. *PINTEREST DIDN'T EXIST YET PEOPLE!!* We didn't know people hadn't used heart-shaped candle holders for 10 years or so...


Annnnnnyway, one thing that I wouldn't change is the words we spoke to each other. I clearly remember spending LOTS of time searching and tweaking those vows to be different and personalized and representative of us. Words...man, I love words... 

But I couldn't remember them now. What did we exactly promise each other 7 years ago? Like, I know the big picture, but what did we actually say again? I am confident that we meant every word spoken and every promise made with our whole being. My heart overflows as I sit here and think about who I was when I made those vows and where life and love has led us. You know...we don't know what a day holds, but that is the beauty of marriage...it doesn't matter. Love perseveres.

 The pastor who married us has passed away. The friends who were such a huge part of our lives are memories. That dress will probably never zip up again. Need I continue?

Life is radically different. We are completely different people. Our relationship is completely different.  Jason is definitely not the same guy that I married. And that's okay. Actually, it's better than okay! I am not who I was when we got married. And that's okay. It's okay because he chose to love me and fulfill our vows every single day from who I was then to who I was now.

Maybe we're still "fresh" in this thing. Maybe life is going to get really hard. Maybe we're clueless. Maybe! Choosing love sounds simple, but I know it can be tough. But it also eliminates the maybes.

So, that's what I wrote to my sweet, young sister. Choose love. Every day.

A few weeks ago, my sweet husband asked why I haven't blogged in so long. Today, my Facebook Memories reminded me that my last post was a year ago today. Okay, okay - I get it! I'm THAT person...the one who starts something and doesn't stick with it.

I read the last post about three times. My how a year has changed life; I didn't know whether to laugh or cry as I was taken back to how it was.

Desperation. That's the only word I can think of.

Maybe the truth is that I stopped writing because I simply couldn't. When you feel like you're drowning in your own life, things have just gotta go. We were surviving. Plain and simple. And do you know what?

WE DID IT!

The first year of Trevor's life was full of blessings, but it was TOUGH. That's just the truth. However, just like other trials in life, those difficult days of just surviving have given me such perspective and appreciation for the good days we have now. I don't take for granted that we got to make cookies just because. Or that I'm actually working on our photo book...for this year! Or that I take a whole hour to myself every single day. Or a million other little things.

Now, we celebrate instead of survive! My days are full of joy and laughter and goodness all around. Sure, there's still tough stuff - there's always going to be. Life is full of seasons.

Parenthood is not easy y'all. Take it easy on yourself. Find one good thing in each day until your circumstances change. That's my motivational speech for today.